


nothing but missing you.

by brooklynbis



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Anxiety, Bad Days, Caretaker Bram, College AU, Comforting, Crying, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Movie based, Panic Attacks, Protective Bram Greenfeld, Supportive Bram Greenfeld, bram is a great boyfriend, cuddly boyfriends, impromptu visit, simon misses bram so he goes to visit him, sleepy boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 22:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15567603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooklynbis/pseuds/brooklynbis
Summary: Simon was having an awful day. He knew there was only one thing that would make this better. And that thing was currently 1000 miles away from him.______________AKA simon has a bad day and he misses bram so he decides to do something in the moment.





	nothing but missing you.

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warnings : panic attack, anxiety (let me know If there is anything else that should go here!)
> 
> title from 'back to december' by taylor swift. lowercase intended. 
> 
> comments, feedback and kudos would be appreciated if you enjoyed, plus any prompts which you can leave in the comments or in my tumblr ask box @/brooklynbis

Simon was having an awful day. He had woken up late to get to class, after staying late the previous night to finish an assignment that he had forgotten about. Because of that, he had missed his facetime session with bram last night, and of course he understood, but it didn't help. They promised to facetime tonight, but simon was just so tired. Then, the coffee shop made him a crappy coffee, which he accidentally spilled on his class notes. Following that, his laptop wouldn't charge properly, and they had little to eat in the small fridge in the room he shared with another guy, Eric. Eric had also been listening to music unnecessarily loud for the past two hours, which had given simon a headache. 

On top of all that, he was having a bad anxiety day too. Perfect timing. 

It was when simon was attempting to read and rewrite his smudged class notes that he could feel it worsen. He sighed, rubbing his temples a bit as he tried to focus on the music he had playing through his earphones, taking a sip of his hot tea to calm himself. 

It was only getting worse, so simon left his desk and lay down on his bed, closing his eyes as he took a second to think. He knew there was only one thing that would make this better. And that thing was currently 1000 miles away from him. 

He knew it would be hard going to college in florida when bram wanted to go to new york. He never wanted to hold bram back, and they had both agreed to go to the colleges they so desperately wanted to go to, but they knew it would be hard. And on days like this, all simon wanted was a hug from his boyfriend. 

A crazy idea flashed through his head, and he couldn't help but give it some thought. Simon knew he had been extremely careful with his money since he had arrived at college, and he knew he still had plenty of his student loan left over since there was only a couple weeks left. He frowned as he thought over his plan, wondering if he could actually do it and before he knew it, he was booking a ticket on the next flight to new york. And as he looked at the time, he realised it was in an hour's time. 

"crap," he said, getting up off his bed quickly and grabbing his backpack, shoving a few things in there as eric took off his headphones to look at him in confusion as he pulled on his shoes quickly. 

"going somewhere?" he asked in confusion as simon nodded and picked up the backpack. 

"yeah, don't know how long i'll be gone," he said before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him and hurriedly running down the stairs. Once he was outside the college, he quickly flagged down a cab to take him to the airport, which luckily for him was very close to the college. 

Does this count as self care? Simon quickly decided that yes, it definitely does.

_____________

The two and a half hours he spent on that plane were the most tiring of his life. He was still fighting to keep his anxiety at bay. He knew he would have to return and deal with his problems at some point, but today was not that day. Before he had gotten on the flight, he texted eric to make sure he could borrow his notes when he returned since they were taking the same course. 

As soon as the seatbelt light had gone off, simon was quickly unbuckling, grabbing his backpack and leaving the plane as soon as he could. He was one of the first people off the plane because he had so much built up energy and nerves, so he was quick to leave the airport and get another cab to take him to bram's college. He had visited quite a few times, so he knew exactly which room he was in, and what building. 

He thanked and paid the cab driver when he got him there fairly quickly for new york, but he hesitated a bit when he got to the door of his building. He didn't even know if bram was in his room. He just decided to take a chance, taking his time to climb the stairs to bram's floor. He found bram's room number with ease, and he hesitated before knocking on the door firmly, ensuring that bram would hear it. 

"dude, i said i'm busy- simon?" bram said as he opened the door and as soon as simon saw him, he hugged him tightly, feeling bram return the hug equally as tightly. 

"what are you doing here?" bram murmured in his ear as he let simon in and closed the door behind them. Simon put his bag down slightly before going in for another hug, and bram accepted despite his confusion. 

"wanted to see you," simon mumbled into bram's shoulder as he closed his eyes to try and prevent what he was sure were tears forming in his eyes. When bram felt them start to dampen the shoulder of his tshirt, he slowly pulled away slightly so that he could see simon properly. 

"si, what's wrong?" bram asked quietly, rubbing his hand up and down simon's back comfortingly. Simon didn't answer at first, so bram just let him cry it out. 

"i-i just had an awful day and i missed you and my anxiety's been really bad and i wanted you," he sobbed quietly into bram's shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut as if it would stop the tears that had been building up all day. 

"hey, it's alright, i'm here," bram said in a sweet tone as they stood in the middle of his room hugging, bram's head rested on top of simon's as he comforted his boyfriend. After a couple of minutes, simon pulled away slightly, chuckling slightly before clearing his throat. 

"uh, sorry about that," he chuckled awkwardly as bram smiled at him and used a thumb to wipe away the remaining tears on his cheeks, arms still wrapped around simon to stop him going too far. 

"we were meant to be seeing each other in a couple weeks when we're done for the summer," bram said softly as simon smiled sheepishly. 

"i couldn't wait that long. I wanted to see you now, sorry if i disturbed something," he said, motioning to the messy desk behind them. 

"only an assignment, not as important as you," bram dismissed it. 

"no, you should finish it. Just because i binned off my work for now, doesn't mean you should," simon protested, resting a hand on bram's chest as he frowned. 

"i might, i was almost done anyway. Did you want something to eat or drink?" bram asked as simon shrugged. 

"i might make myself a cup of tea if you don't mind," simon replied as bram nodded. Bram sat back down at his desk, whilst simon went into the small kitchen they had attached to their room and grabbed a mug, the one he usually had when he visited. He made bram a cup of tea too, carrying them back into the bedroom and setting bram's on the desk. 

"thank you babe," bram muttered as simon pressed a kiss to his cheek before sitting down crossed legged on bram's bed, beginning to scroll through his social media as a way to pass the time. He made sure that he had replied to eric's texts, letting him know where he had suddenly disappeared to. 

"how much longer are you gonna be?" simon asked, his throat sore after crying. He hated to ask and distract bram, or make him feel bad for finishing his work, but he could feel his anxiety starting to build up again. 

"um, 20 minutes maybe? Sorry," bram said without stopping typing. 

"it's fine. I'm going to put my headphones on for a minute then," simon mumbled, half to himself and he rested his headphones over his ears and starting to play his anxiety playlist. Bram had helped him put it together before they left for college. He shuffled back until he was sitting crossed legged against the wall, locking his phone and putting it in between his legs as he rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to focus on keeping his breathing even. 

He could hear the song change, but his focus was far away, far away in his mind, and he didn't even realise it. He only realised that he had let his anxiety consume him and induce a panic attack when he felt bram taking his headphones off and putting a hand on his knee, trying to get through to him. 

"si, it's okay. C'mon, breathe for me," bram encouraged, keeping a hand on either of his arms to ground him as he looked around, panicked as he realised what was happening. 

"you're okay," bram said as simon moved quickly to hug bram. He rested a hand over bram's chest, resting his forehead on bram's shoulder. Bram knew exactly what he was doing, knowing that was how he could help simon, so he focused on exaggerating his breathing to make it easier for simon to follow as he put an arm around simon's back. 

Slowly, simon got his breathing back under control, and they sat for a few more minutes, bram crouched down beside the bed and simon lay across it, resting half of his top of half resting on bram. They spent a few more minutes just breathing together before simon patted bram's chest and slowly got up, looking utterly exhausted. From flights to crying to panic attacks, he knew he must be so tired. 

"sorry, you should finish your work," simon mumbled, rubbing his eyes which must've been sore. 

"i already finished it, si. God, i'm glad you showed up here," he said softly, running his hand through simon's hair gently. 

"why? I interrupted your assignment," simon frowned, closing his eyes at bram's touch, letting it ground him further. 

"because i missed you too, and i hate the thought that you would've been going through this alone," bram said quietly as simon smiled slightly. 

"you do realise how many days i've had like this when the closest you've been is a phone call away?" simon said with a smile, despite it not being a happy topic. 

"i know, babe, i know. What made you decide to come here this time?" 

"i don't know. I was just done, i needed to get out of there and i knew i wanted you, so here i am," simon said sheepishly as bram smiled, rubbing his thumb along simon's cheekbone before getting up from his crouching position. 

"c'mon, let's get ready for bed. I have a class early tomorrow morning but you could stay here and catch up on your sleep if you want, and then we could do something in the afternoon?" bram suggested, helping simon off the bed as he nodded. 

"how long are you staying for?" bram asked as he led simon to the bathroom. 

"i don't know, until i feel better i think. I haven't had a crying episode followed by a panic attack so closely in a long time. If you don't mind, that is," he quickly added as bram shook his head, sticking a toothbrush in his mouth, handing simon a fresh one that he kept in the cupboard. 

It was followed by a couple minutes of silence as they brushed their teeth and once bram had spat, he wiped his mouth and rinsed the brush before turning to simon. 

"of course i don't mind, you know i love having you here," bram replied, as simon smiled around his toothbrush, doing what bram had just done before turning to hug bram again. 

"thank you. I love you," simon mumbled, and bram smiled before pulling away. 

"i love you too. C'mon, let's go to bed," he said, and as they both got rid of their jeans and shirts and climbed into bram's rather small bed, simon felt bram snake his arms around simon to pull him closer. 

 

"thank you, for being here," simon mumbled just before he fell asleep and bram smiled, hearing his boyfriend's breathing even out and slow down. He knew he needed the sleep so badly. 

Simon never needed to thank him for caring, he loved his boyfriend, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
